Romantic Relationship Versus Friend With Benefits

We've all watched, or at least heard of, the movie that was released in September last year, 

which popularised the idea of a friend with benefits, a relationship that Wikipedia describes as both physical and emotional, yet without the demands or extra commitment of a more formal romance. It's an interesting concept, most men will admit, especially in an age when even the middle class is contemplating a prenuptial agreement before finalising the wedding date. But when it comes to the real world, how do you decide whether a friend with benefits arrangements is better than a real relationship?

Since there's no 'one size fits all' solution possible in this case, I outline various criteria that will help you decide whether old-fashioned romance or a casual sexual partnership is best for you:

Criterion 1: Do you place greater value on sexual fulfillment or cuddling?

Romantic relationships demand that you cuddle your partner before, during, and after sex. Remember that old saying that women give sex to get love, and that men give love to get sex? It still holds true. Many women have an unwritten 'no cuddles, no sex next time' policy.

A friend with benefits doesn't claim to love you or expect anything from you. They're in it for the sex alone. Yes, there are women who think this is a sensible equation, but these women are more likely than not in their late twenties or thirties...how do you feel about this?

Criterion 2: How do you define intimacy?

A romantic relationship involves cosy evenings under the stars, (expensive) candlelight dinners, hand-holding in parks and cinema halls. How does this go down with you?

A friend with benefits defines intimacy as stellar performances between the sheets. This calls for a robust stamina, among other things, and a healthy self-assurance. How do you rank on these two prerequisites?

Criterion 3: What ranks higher with you, sexual gratification or love and affection?

A romantic relationship demands that you place your partner's needs above or at least at par with your own. Women think that real love is making sacrifices, even though they might not make too many that really benefit you.

A friend with benefits is purely concerned with satisfying her own sexual needs, and she knows that you too must derive enough pleasure from each encounter for the arrangement to continue. But the overt need for self gratification in a woman might take on a certain crudeness...aren't women supposed to be all coy and feminine?

Criterion 4: How important is communication for you?

A romance feeds and thrives on communication, both in the form of platitudes like frequent declarations of undying love, and in detailing your every thought and deed to your partner. If you're not comfortable with sharing, you will be branded as emotionless and unfeeling.

A friend with benefits doesn't need to recount the details of boring meetings with her boss or inane conversations with her mother. She won't have time to listen to you grumble about work pressure or your long commute either. Call her up when you have good news; bad news must be dealt with yourself. If you need to express yourself to someone, a friend with benefits isn't the first person you should think of calling.

Despite the faint contempt that society views casual sexual relationships with, an increasing number of urban men and women are resorting to friends with benefits option today. On the other hand, a reputation around town as a 'player' might forever sully your name in the marriage market, and come mid-thirties, everyone (you too) would want to settle into the comfort of a good marriage.

It's the age old face-off between love and sex, and nobody but you can make the trade-off!

So, given the choice, would you opt for old-fashioned romance or a friendship with benefits?

 BY YAHOO SHE NEWS PHILIPPINES

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IELTS Writing: Frequently Asked Questions

By idpphilippines

What is the difference between the General Training Writing module and the Academic Writing module?
In the General Training version of IELTS, Task 1 requires you write a letter. In the Academic version of IELTS, Task 1 requires you to write a report on a diagram. In both versions of the test, Task 2 is the same: a discursive essay.

What should I write in the introduction to Task 1 of IELTS Academic?
The introduction should describe the diagram or data overall. This usually means paraphrasing the question, i.e. restating the question in other words. Try to include all important information such as time periods, countries and other important divisions in the data. If there is a clear main feature, you can point this out in the introduction too. Otherwise, save your descriptions of these features for the body paragraphs.

Why is it so important to paraphrase the question?
If you repeat the question word-for-word in your introduction, these words will not be counted as your own and your word count will be lower as a result. You should always change at least a few words in the questions or rewrite it completely.

Should I give my opinion in the introduction of Task 2?
Read the question carefully first. If the questions asks you simply to agree or disagree, then you should state your position clearly in the introduction. If the questions asks you to discuss both sides of an argument, you should save your own opinion for the end. If the question includes to an expression such as To what extent or How far, you may decide yourself whether to begin with a strong opinion or take a more balanced approach to begin with and state your final opinion later.

How many words and paragraphs should I write?
For Task 1, three or four paragraphs a total of 150 words is sufficient, In Task 2, you should write four to six paragraphs (depending on the number of ideas you have) and at least 250 words.

Do I need to write a conclusion in Task 1?
It is certainly very helpful to add a one- or two-sentence conclusion that restates the overall topic and main features of the data. This is especially important if there is more than one set of data as you will gain extra marks if you make a direct comparison of the two. However, a conclusion is not an absolute requirement and it may be better to skip it and move quickly on to Task 2 if you have already written 150 words.

Do I need to write a conclusion in Task 2?
Absolutely, yes. Your conclusion should restate the overall topic and your main idea, briefly summarise the main point of each body paragraph, and end with a comment of some kind. Without a conclusion, your essay may lack coherence and this will bring down your score.

What will happen if I don’t write 150 or 250 words?
You will be given a penalty for this and your overall score in IELTS Writing will be at least half a band lower as a result.

Should I try to write more than 150 or 250 words?
In IELTS Writing, there is no maximum number of words. However, you will not get a higher score if you write more words than required. For that reason, you should stop writing when you have reached the limit AND written a satisfactory conclusion.

Should I count the number of words I have written?
No. This is not your responsibility and would be a waste of your time. Before taking the test, you should practice the Writing module enough times to be able to know when you have written a long enough answer without actually counting the words. In Task 1, this would be a short introduction plus two substantial body paragraphs and perhaps a short conclusion. In Task 2, you should aim to write an introduction of several sentences, two to four substantial body paragraphs, and a conclusion of several sentences.

How are IELTS Writing scores calculated?
The examiner will pay attention to four main areas: (1) How fully you answer the question overall; (2) How well you link ideas within the text; (3) The range and accuracy of vocabulary you use; (4) The range and accuracy of grammatical forms you use.

What IELTS Writing score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Writing if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 may be sufficient for some foundation and professional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Writing score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on writing techniques, useful language and understanding the scoring criteria.

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IELTS Speaking: Frequently Asked Questions by idpphilippines

The questions below are among those most frequently asked about the Speaking module of IELTS.

How many questions will I be asked?
In Parts 1 and 3, the examiner will have a set of questions but you will not be asked all of them. The number of questions will depend on the length of your answers. The longer your answers, the fewer questions you will be asked. In Part 2, the question is given to you on a card. You will also be asked one or two simple questions at the end of Part 2.

How long should I speak for in Part 1?
There is no limit, but the question usually asks for only one piece of information. It is therefore best to give this information and add an extra sentence or two.

In Part 2, do I need to keep talking for two minutes?
No. It may be better to finish within two minutes for several reasons. First, you do not really want to be interrupted by the examiner. Second, your response will be more coherent if you end with a firm concluding sentence such as So, that’s why (restate question topic). Third, you are more likely to make mistakes if you keep talking beyond what you planned to say. A candidate who answers the question fully in 90 seconds can easily receive a higher score than one who speaks for the full two minutes and has to be stopped.

What should I do if I don’t understand the question?
It depends which part you are answering. In Part 1, the examiner is able to repeat the question but will not offer you much help beyond that. In Part 2, you can ask for clarification during your one minute of preparation time if you need to. It’s not a good idea to ask questions during the two minutes of speaking time as this will disturb the fluency of your response. In Part 3, the examiner is able to offer much more help and can paraphrase the question for you. You should try to ask checking questions such as Do you mean…? rather than simply say Sorry, I don’t understand.

Why does the examiner ask questions at the end of Part 2?
These follow-up questions are just a way for the examiner to show interest in what you have said and to move the discussion on to Part 3. You do not need to give lengthy answers to these questions. Just a few words should be sufficient.

How much thinking time do I have in Part 3?
None! You should begin speaking immediately. Since you will not be able to come up with ideas right away, it’s important to be able to use filler expressions such as That’s an interesting question. Well, I suppose…. ‘Playing for time’ is not cheating – native speakers do it all the time!

How long should I speak for in Part 3?
There is no limit, but you should certainly give longer answers than in Part 1. If possible, try to give more than one reason to support your opinion. Even better, compare and contrast different ideas to expand your answer further. However, be careful! The longer you speak, the less coherent your response may become. That’s why it’s so important to return to your original idea at the end.

What should I do if I can’t come up with any ideas in Part 3?
The important thing to remember is that you are being tested on your ability to communicate ideas, not the quality of those ideas. Even if your ideas sound basic or predictable, you will still get a high score if the language you use to express them is appropriate to academic discussion. Another thing to remember is that it is possible to use other people’s ideas as well as your own. If you don’t have any views on a topic, try imagining what other people would say on this issue and talk about that instead. Finally, it is always a good idea to learn a few useful expressions to use when you just can’t come up with anything to say. Even if you aren’t able to give a satisfactory answer to the question, the examiner may still judge that you have spoken fluently and accurately. A good example is: I’m afraid I’ve never really thought about this issue before. 

Will the examiner give his or her own opinion in Part 3?
No. The examiner wants to hear your opinions, so there’s nothing to be gained by asking What do you think?!

How are IELTS Speaking scores calculated?
The examiner will pay attention to four main areas: (1) How fluent and understandable your answer is; (2) The range and accuracy of vocabulary you use; (3) The range and accuracy of grammatical forms you use; (4) Your pronunciation.

What IELTS Speaking score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Speaking if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 may be sufficient for some foundation and professional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Speaking score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on speaking techniques, useful language and understanding the scoring criteria.

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IELTS Listening: Frequently Asked Questions by idpphilippines

What kinds of recordings will be played?
There are four listening passages, or sections, and these always follow the same order: Section 1 is a general conversation; Section 2 is a general monologue; Section 3 is an academic conversation; Section 4 is an academic monologue. You might hear, for example, a telephone interview, followed by a radio programme, followed by a seminar discussion and finally an academic lecture.

How much time is there to read the questions?
Before each section begins, you will have a short time of up to 30 seconds to preview questions. There will usually be one more short break in the recording to preview further questions. That is why you should listen carefully to the instruction which tells you exactly which questions will be covered in the next part of the recording. For example: You now have some time to look at questions one to five.

How many times will each listening passage be played?
Once only. If you miss the answer to a question, you should quickly have a guess and then focus your attention entirely on the next question.

Which English accents will I hear in IELTS Listening?
Since IELTS is accepted by institutions in all major English-speaking countries, you should expect to hear any standard variety of English, including British English, American English and Australian English. This may also include different regional forms within each variety. The UK, for example, has a large number of accents including Scots, Northern Irish, Welsh, Scouse, Yorkshire, Mancunian, Geordie, Cockney, Brummie and West Country.

What question types are there in IELTS Listening?
Unlike TOEFL, IELTS includes more than just multiple-choice questions. You may have to answer short questions, complete sentences or a summary, or label a diagram. A very common question type involves completing a set of notes based on the passage. There are ten questions in each section and these will generally be of one to five different types.

Can I write on the question paper?
Yes, you can write freely on the question paper in both English and your own language if you prefer. After the recordings have been played, you will then have ten minutes to transfer your answers to the answer sheet.

Will I lose marks if don’t spell an answer correctly?
IELTS examiners can overlook very minor errors in spelling or grammar in the Listening module if they judge you have clearly heard the correct answer. But in other modules of IELTS, accuracy in spelling is very important.

Should I use British or American spelling?
Just as you will hear different varieties of English, you can also use different varieties of spelling in IELTS, so both centre and center are acceptable. As a general rule, it is better to decide which spelling variety you want to use and stick to it. That’s true not only in the Listening module but also in the Writing module of IELTS.

How are IELTS Listening scores calculated?
You will be given a score out of 40 and this will be converted into an IELTS band score of 0 to 9 according to the IELTS band score calculator.

What IELTS Listening score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Listening (23-29 correct answers) if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 (16-22 correct answers) may be sufficient for some foundation and presessional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Listening score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on listening techniques, ways you can practice, and explanations of the different question types.

Top 10 Most Frequently Searched Words on Merriam-Webster.com by idpphilippines

#10: Affect/Effect

Definition: It's not that people don't know what these words mean; it's that they have trouble remembering which one does what. The simplest distinction here is that affect is almost always a verb, and effect is usually a noun.

#9: Integrity

Definition: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility Example: ""What they're trying to say – 'We're protecting theintegrity' – no, you're not," Bears cornerback Charles Tillman said. "It's ruining the integrity. It's not even football anymore. We should just go out there and play two-hand touch Sunday if we can't make [helmet-to-helmet] contact."" – Barry Wilner, Associated Press, October 20, 2010

#8: Ambiguous

Definition: capable of being understood in two or more possible senses or ways Example: "Trying to help a table select a wine, a waiter offered two ambiguousadjectives: 'fleshy' and 'funky.'" – Andrea Thompson, The New Yorker, April 12, 2010

#7: Albeit

Definition: conceding the fact that : even though : although Example: "Poppy seeds contain minute traces of opiates. Both opium and codeine occur in poppy seeds,albeit in tiny quantities. You cannot get high on poppy seeds." – Chris Kilham, FoxNews.com, October 19, 2010

#6: Conundrum

Definition: an intricate and difficult problem Example: "The basic conundrum is that harassment via Facebook, text messaging, and e-mail usually involves off-campus student speech, which is more protected by the First Amendment than what happens on school grounds." – Emily Bazelon, Slate.com, February 8, 2010

#5: Apathetic

Definition: having little or no interest or concern : indifferent Example: "Strategists are considering pushing for similar [marijuana legalization] initiatives in 2012 for battleground states ... in an effort to motivate a typically apathetic but largely liberal population of marijuana supporters." – Dave Thier, AOLNews, October 6, 2010

#4: Cynical

Definition: 1 : contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives 2 : based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest Example: "The rap on ... [the] musical Chicago has been that it was a show ahead of its time, with its cynical take on the idea of celebrity, crime, and the regular folks who would do nearly anything for a moment in the spotlight." – Thom Geier, EntertainmentWeekly.com, August 24, 2010

#3: Love

Definition: 1 : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> 2 : attraction based on sexual desire Example: "Scholars, poets, and just plain folks have pondered the meaning and mystery of love for thousands of years, but every definition seems lacking." – Lee Dye, ABC News, October 27, 2010

#2: Ubiquitous

Definition: existing or being everywhere at the same time : constantly encountered : widespread Example: "High-fructose corn syrup is often singled out as Food Enemy No. 1 because it has become ubiquitous in processed foods over about the last 30 years – a period that coincides with a steep rise in obesity." – Karen Kaplan, Los Angeles Times, October 26, 2010

#1: Pretentious

Although certain definitions spike in our search results based on current events, this list presents the eternally vexing words that remain among the most looked up over time.

Definition:

expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature

Example:

"You spent 10.5 hours composing your profile and changed the movie choices twice because it was skewing too self-consciously pretentious. You changed the picture three times; now it's both quirky and unstudied." – Sadie Stein,Jezebel.com, August 19, 2010

Dating clichés that are actually true

No doubt about it, scientists do amazing things. But sometimes people in white coats emerge from the labs, proud and exhausted with conclusions that are so painfully obvious (Beautiful people have more romantic options! Confident people are more attractive!) that it makes us wonder why they even bothered. So why do they? “We can’t assume the obvious, because sometimes what we believe to be fact is colored by our social experience and expectation,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. “A century ago, it was ‘fact’ that women couldn’t be expected to be intelligent enough to vote, and that women who were pregnant needed to avoid any heavy exercise. It is ‘obvious’ that chocolate is bad, or that wine is bad. Newer studies show there are health benefits. Until we test out what we ‘know’ is true, then we are just perpetuating stereotypes. Scientists need to re-do studies, because almost always, there are methodological problems in previous studies. One interesting study that showed women were more likely to describe themselves as ‘feelers’ rather than being mechanistically inclined showed [that] the difference disappeared if you didn’t ask the person to identify themselves by sex at the beginning of the study,” explains Haltzman. 

The fact is, so-called “obvious research” offers insights about dating and relationships that we need in order to make informed decisions about our own love lives. And people are fascinated by the results even if they could have predicted them as common-sense outcomes, says Haltzman: “People are drawn to reading about and hearing about these studies because humans are social animals, and on an unconscious level, we are constantly trying to make sense of social cues to improve our own standing among our peers. A guy may guess that when a woman strokes a beer bottle and gazes downward she’s interested in him, but it helps to have the scientific proof to back it up!”

Here are the most common dating clichés that actually bear some truth. 

Cliché #1: Hooking up on a first date probably won’t lead to love

Women hear it all the time: If you want a relationship, don’t sleep together too quickly. But is this advice simply old-fashioned — or is it legit? Most likely it’s the truth, according to a study conducted by the University College London, University of Warwick and the London School of Economics and Political Science, which found that a relationship does have a better chance of getting off the ground if a couple doesn’t become intimate on the first date. Using a mathematical model, researchers found that more “reliable” men are willing to wait longer before doing the deed. Why does holding out boost your odds of landing a relationship? Researchers say that the early stages of courtship allow women to gather information that helps them assess a man’s romantic potential to ensure that he’s worth sleeping with before doing so. 

Cliché #2: Beautiful women expect men to pay for their dinner on dates, and men are happy to offer

It pays to be pretty! Psychologists from St. Andrews University in Scotland found that men are more likely to pay on a date if find the woman to be quite attractive. According to the study, that’s because men believe if they invest their resources and prove they have the potential to be good providers, it increases their chances of securing a second date. Not that the ladies mind, either — the researchers found that women who consider themselves to be physically attractive expected their dates to shell out for dates. 

Cliché #3: Men enjoy casual flings more than women do

Samantha Jones might have had her share of one-night stands and meaningless encounters, but the average woman just isn’t into that... at least, not according to findings published in the journal, Human Nature. Why? Evolutionarily speaking, women bear the brunt of child-rearing, so it’s important for them to enter relationships with men who could be potential husbands — making them less likely to hook up with just anyone. When the study’s researchers at Durham University in the UK asked almost 2,000 men and women to talk about their feelings after partaking in a one-night stand, 80 percent of the male participants had positive feelings about their night of passion, saying they secretly wanted their friends to find out about their escapades. Only slightly more than half of the women surveyed echoed those positive feelings (54 percent). In fact, the female participants were more likely to say that they had “let themselves down” and were worried about damaging their reputation, saying they found the experience less sexually satisfying than the men did. Another study conducted by researchers at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA found that when given a choice, guys opt for hooking up instead of dating and women prefer dating over a casual fling. Who knew? 

Cliché #4: Men get uncomfortable when women cry in front of them

Ask any guy how he feels about crying, and he’ll probably say that there’s nothing worse than seeing a woman reduced to tears in his presence. But men aren’t exactly being insensitive jerks; rather, their discomfort with tears has biological roots. A paper published in the journal Science found that female tears actually contain odorless chemicals that physically turn men off. When researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel had 24 men aged 23-40 sniff jars containing either female tears or several drops of a salt solution, then had them rate women’s faces for sexual attractiveness, 71 percent of the subjects who sniffed the female tears found the women to be less attractive. What’s more, men who took a whiff of the jar containing human tears showed reduced levels of arousal, a slower breathing rate, and lower levels of the male hormone, testosterone (which could explain why shedding a few tears around a man will make him agree to anything, as long as you stop). 

Cliché #5: Bad boys are especially sexy

Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, and Chris Brown: three men most of us might think are indisputably hot, but as luck would have it, scientists still wanted to prove the allure of these bad boys. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that guys who look moody or sullen are more attractive than men who smile, according to a study published in The American Psychological Association journal, Emotion. The reason: A man with a don’t-come-near-me face conveys that he’s strong and valuable — two traits that women traditionally look for in a man. 

Cliché #6: Men prefer younger women; women prefer rich men

Donald Trump and Melania Knauss, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh, Hugh Hefner and… well, anyone may look ridiculous walking down the street together, but these unlikely pairings can be explained with science.Research published in the journal Biology Letters found that men prefer younger women because they’re very fertile, upping their odds of producing lots of healthy offspring. Psychologists at the University of Turkey in Finlandfound that men who marry women 14.6 years younger than themselves have the highest number of healthy babies. Likewise, women prefer older, wealthier men due to their status in society, plentiful resources, and ability to provide for their offspring. 

Models Fall Through Fashion Week. Dangerous Job?

At Dennis Basso's show this week, a model took a major tumble

It's been a bad seven days for a handful of models at New York Fashion Week. At least six designer shows were overshadowed by slips, trips and spills on the catwalk. Naeem Khan, Richard Chai and Y-3 and all featured surprise mis-steps. But the biggest falls caught on film, were on Dennis Basso's runway and at Heart Truth's Red Dress Collection celebrity show, where both Christie Brinkley and Rose McGowan lost their footing.

The rule of the thumb is to pick yourself up, laugh it off and cry later, but some models have started avoiding the risk altogether.

A few years back, three women turned down the chance to walk in GaGa's Armadillo platforms at an Alexander McQueen show. The likelihood of tumbling in those oddly shapped 10-inch heels wasn't worth the risk to model Abbey Ley Kershaw. "Hopefully [heel height] is going to come back down soon because health and safety regulations have got to come into play at some point," she said back in 2009.

But, in the past three years not much has changed. The ability to walk an invisible tightrope in draping fabric and foot stilts is still a requirement of the job. Inevitably slips happen, though some runway shows are perennial disaster areas.

"I can tell you I've seen models fall mostly at Herve Leger," says Fashionista's Executive Editor Leah Chernikoff. "The dresses are so tight and the floors are so slippery, it's model dominos." In 2009, the brains behind the band-aid dresses, came under scrutiny after four models fell down in one show; however none of the models reported serious injuries.

Conspiracy theorists wonder if some designers aim for a tumble. It's those candid moments captured on camera that grab attention from news outlets and get replayed in the greatest hits version of each season's fashion week.

On the flip-side, it doesn't speak well for a look, when a trained professional can't wear it for twenty seconds with out falling.