Romantic Relationship Versus Friend With Benefits

We've all watched, or at least heard of, the movie that was released in September last year, 

which popularised the idea of a friend with benefits, a relationship that Wikipedia describes as both physical and emotional, yet without the demands or extra commitment of a more formal romance. It's an interesting concept, most men will admit, especially in an age when even the middle class is contemplating a prenuptial agreement before finalising the wedding date. But when it comes to the real world, how do you decide whether a friend with benefits arrangements is better than a real relationship?

Since there's no 'one size fits all' solution possible in this case, I outline various criteria that will help you decide whether old-fashioned romance or a casual sexual partnership is best for you:

Criterion 1: Do you place greater value on sexual fulfillment or cuddling?

Romantic relationships demand that you cuddle your partner before, during, and after sex. Remember that old saying that women give sex to get love, and that men give love to get sex? It still holds true. Many women have an unwritten 'no cuddles, no sex next time' policy.

A friend with benefits doesn't claim to love you or expect anything from you. They're in it for the sex alone. Yes, there are women who think this is a sensible equation, but these women are more likely than not in their late twenties or thirties...how do you feel about this?

Criterion 2: How do you define intimacy?

A romantic relationship involves cosy evenings under the stars, (expensive) candlelight dinners, hand-holding in parks and cinema halls. How does this go down with you?

A friend with benefits defines intimacy as stellar performances between the sheets. This calls for a robust stamina, among other things, and a healthy self-assurance. How do you rank on these two prerequisites?

Criterion 3: What ranks higher with you, sexual gratification or love and affection?

A romantic relationship demands that you place your partner's needs above or at least at par with your own. Women think that real love is making sacrifices, even though they might not make too many that really benefit you.

A friend with benefits is purely concerned with satisfying her own sexual needs, and she knows that you too must derive enough pleasure from each encounter for the arrangement to continue. But the overt need for self gratification in a woman might take on a certain crudeness...aren't women supposed to be all coy and feminine?

Criterion 4: How important is communication for you?

A romance feeds and thrives on communication, both in the form of platitudes like frequent declarations of undying love, and in detailing your every thought and deed to your partner. If you're not comfortable with sharing, you will be branded as emotionless and unfeeling.

A friend with benefits doesn't need to recount the details of boring meetings with her boss or inane conversations with her mother. She won't have time to listen to you grumble about work pressure or your long commute either. Call her up when you have good news; bad news must be dealt with yourself. If you need to express yourself to someone, a friend with benefits isn't the first person you should think of calling.

Despite the faint contempt that society views casual sexual relationships with, an increasing number of urban men and women are resorting to friends with benefits option today. On the other hand, a reputation around town as a 'player' might forever sully your name in the marriage market, and come mid-thirties, everyone (you too) would want to settle into the comfort of a good marriage.

It's the age old face-off between love and sex, and nobody but you can make the trade-off!

So, given the choice, would you opt for old-fashioned romance or a friendship with benefits?

 BY YAHOO SHE NEWS PHILIPPINES

New Post from IDP Philippines

IELTS Writing: Frequently Asked Questions

By idpphilippines

What is the difference between the General Training Writing module and the Academic Writing module?
In the General Training version of IELTS, Task 1 requires you write a letter. In the Academic version of IELTS, Task 1 requires you to write a report on a diagram. In both versions of the test, Task 2 is the same: a discursive essay.

What should I write in the introduction to Task 1 of IELTS Academic?
The introduction should describe the diagram or data overall. This usually means paraphrasing the question, i.e. restating the question in other words. Try to include all important information such as time periods, countries and other important divisions in the data. If there is a clear main feature, you can point this out in the introduction too. Otherwise, save your descriptions of these features for the body paragraphs.

Why is it so important to paraphrase the question?
If you repeat the question word-for-word in your introduction, these words will not be counted as your own and your word count will be lower as a result. You should always change at least a few words in the questions or rewrite it completely.

Should I give my opinion in the introduction of Task 2?
Read the question carefully first. If the questions asks you simply to agree or disagree, then you should state your position clearly in the introduction. If the questions asks you to discuss both sides of an argument, you should save your own opinion for the end. If the question includes to an expression such as To what extent or How far, you may decide yourself whether to begin with a strong opinion or take a more balanced approach to begin with and state your final opinion later.

How many words and paragraphs should I write?
For Task 1, three or four paragraphs a total of 150 words is sufficient, In Task 2, you should write four to six paragraphs (depending on the number of ideas you have) and at least 250 words.

Do I need to write a conclusion in Task 1?
It is certainly very helpful to add a one- or two-sentence conclusion that restates the overall topic and main features of the data. This is especially important if there is more than one set of data as you will gain extra marks if you make a direct comparison of the two. However, a conclusion is not an absolute requirement and it may be better to skip it and move quickly on to Task 2 if you have already written 150 words.

Do I need to write a conclusion in Task 2?
Absolutely, yes. Your conclusion should restate the overall topic and your main idea, briefly summarise the main point of each body paragraph, and end with a comment of some kind. Without a conclusion, your essay may lack coherence and this will bring down your score.

What will happen if I don’t write 150 or 250 words?
You will be given a penalty for this and your overall score in IELTS Writing will be at least half a band lower as a result.

Should I try to write more than 150 or 250 words?
In IELTS Writing, there is no maximum number of words. However, you will not get a higher score if you write more words than required. For that reason, you should stop writing when you have reached the limit AND written a satisfactory conclusion.

Should I count the number of words I have written?
No. This is not your responsibility and would be a waste of your time. Before taking the test, you should practice the Writing module enough times to be able to know when you have written a long enough answer without actually counting the words. In Task 1, this would be a short introduction plus two substantial body paragraphs and perhaps a short conclusion. In Task 2, you should aim to write an introduction of several sentences, two to four substantial body paragraphs, and a conclusion of several sentences.

How are IELTS Writing scores calculated?
The examiner will pay attention to four main areas: (1) How fully you answer the question overall; (2) How well you link ideas within the text; (3) The range and accuracy of vocabulary you use; (4) The range and accuracy of grammatical forms you use.

What IELTS Writing score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Writing if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 may be sufficient for some foundation and professional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Writing score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on writing techniques, useful language and understanding the scoring criteria.

New Post from IDP Philippines

New post on IDP Philippines

IELTS Speaking: Frequently Asked Questions by idpphilippines

The questions below are among those most frequently asked about the Speaking module of IELTS.

How many questions will I be asked?
In Parts 1 and 3, the examiner will have a set of questions but you will not be asked all of them. The number of questions will depend on the length of your answers. The longer your answers, the fewer questions you will be asked. In Part 2, the question is given to you on a card. You will also be asked one or two simple questions at the end of Part 2.

How long should I speak for in Part 1?
There is no limit, but the question usually asks for only one piece of information. It is therefore best to give this information and add an extra sentence or two.

In Part 2, do I need to keep talking for two minutes?
No. It may be better to finish within two minutes for several reasons. First, you do not really want to be interrupted by the examiner. Second, your response will be more coherent if you end with a firm concluding sentence such as So, that’s why (restate question topic). Third, you are more likely to make mistakes if you keep talking beyond what you planned to say. A candidate who answers the question fully in 90 seconds can easily receive a higher score than one who speaks for the full two minutes and has to be stopped.

What should I do if I don’t understand the question?
It depends which part you are answering. In Part 1, the examiner is able to repeat the question but will not offer you much help beyond that. In Part 2, you can ask for clarification during your one minute of preparation time if you need to. It’s not a good idea to ask questions during the two minutes of speaking time as this will disturb the fluency of your response. In Part 3, the examiner is able to offer much more help and can paraphrase the question for you. You should try to ask checking questions such as Do you mean…? rather than simply say Sorry, I don’t understand.

Why does the examiner ask questions at the end of Part 2?
These follow-up questions are just a way for the examiner to show interest in what you have said and to move the discussion on to Part 3. You do not need to give lengthy answers to these questions. Just a few words should be sufficient.

How much thinking time do I have in Part 3?
None! You should begin speaking immediately. Since you will not be able to come up with ideas right away, it’s important to be able to use filler expressions such as That’s an interesting question. Well, I suppose…. ‘Playing for time’ is not cheating – native speakers do it all the time!

How long should I speak for in Part 3?
There is no limit, but you should certainly give longer answers than in Part 1. If possible, try to give more than one reason to support your opinion. Even better, compare and contrast different ideas to expand your answer further. However, be careful! The longer you speak, the less coherent your response may become. That’s why it’s so important to return to your original idea at the end.

What should I do if I can’t come up with any ideas in Part 3?
The important thing to remember is that you are being tested on your ability to communicate ideas, not the quality of those ideas. Even if your ideas sound basic or predictable, you will still get a high score if the language you use to express them is appropriate to academic discussion. Another thing to remember is that it is possible to use other people’s ideas as well as your own. If you don’t have any views on a topic, try imagining what other people would say on this issue and talk about that instead. Finally, it is always a good idea to learn a few useful expressions to use when you just can’t come up with anything to say. Even if you aren’t able to give a satisfactory answer to the question, the examiner may still judge that you have spoken fluently and accurately. A good example is: I’m afraid I’ve never really thought about this issue before. 

Will the examiner give his or her own opinion in Part 3?
No. The examiner wants to hear your opinions, so there’s nothing to be gained by asking What do you think?!

How are IELTS Speaking scores calculated?
The examiner will pay attention to four main areas: (1) How fluent and understandable your answer is; (2) The range and accuracy of vocabulary you use; (3) The range and accuracy of grammatical forms you use; (4) Your pronunciation.

What IELTS Speaking score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Speaking if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 may be sufficient for some foundation and professional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Speaking score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on speaking techniques, useful language and understanding the scoring criteria.

New Post from IDP Philippines

New post on IDP Philippines

IELTS Listening: Frequently Asked Questions by idpphilippines

What kinds of recordings will be played?
There are four listening passages, or sections, and these always follow the same order: Section 1 is a general conversation; Section 2 is a general monologue; Section 3 is an academic conversation; Section 4 is an academic monologue. You might hear, for example, a telephone interview, followed by a radio programme, followed by a seminar discussion and finally an academic lecture.

How much time is there to read the questions?
Before each section begins, you will have a short time of up to 30 seconds to preview questions. There will usually be one more short break in the recording to preview further questions. That is why you should listen carefully to the instruction which tells you exactly which questions will be covered in the next part of the recording. For example: You now have some time to look at questions one to five.

How many times will each listening passage be played?
Once only. If you miss the answer to a question, you should quickly have a guess and then focus your attention entirely on the next question.

Which English accents will I hear in IELTS Listening?
Since IELTS is accepted by institutions in all major English-speaking countries, you should expect to hear any standard variety of English, including British English, American English and Australian English. This may also include different regional forms within each variety. The UK, for example, has a large number of accents including Scots, Northern Irish, Welsh, Scouse, Yorkshire, Mancunian, Geordie, Cockney, Brummie and West Country.

What question types are there in IELTS Listening?
Unlike TOEFL, IELTS includes more than just multiple-choice questions. You may have to answer short questions, complete sentences or a summary, or label a diagram. A very common question type involves completing a set of notes based on the passage. There are ten questions in each section and these will generally be of one to five different types.

Can I write on the question paper?
Yes, you can write freely on the question paper in both English and your own language if you prefer. After the recordings have been played, you will then have ten minutes to transfer your answers to the answer sheet.

Will I lose marks if don’t spell an answer correctly?
IELTS examiners can overlook very minor errors in spelling or grammar in the Listening module if they judge you have clearly heard the correct answer. But in other modules of IELTS, accuracy in spelling is very important.

Should I use British or American spelling?
Just as you will hear different varieties of English, you can also use different varieties of spelling in IELTS, so both centre and center are acceptable. As a general rule, it is better to decide which spelling variety you want to use and stick to it. That’s true not only in the Listening module but also in the Writing module of IELTS.

How are IELTS Listening scores calculated?
You will be given a score out of 40 and this will be converted into an IELTS band score of 0 to 9 according to the IELTS band score calculator.

What IELTS Listening score is required for university entry?
It varies by university and many do not specify a requirement for each module. However, you should be aiming to achieve a score of at least 6 in IELTS Listening (23-29 correct answers) if you intend to study at an English-speaking university. A band score of 5 (16-22 correct answers) may be sufficient for some foundation and presessional English courses.

How can I raise my IELTS Listening score?
Check out other posts on IELTS Academic for advice on listening techniques, ways you can practice, and explanations of the different question types.