Dating clichés that are actually true

No doubt about it, scientists do amazing things. But sometimes people in white coats emerge from the labs, proud and exhausted with conclusions that are so painfully obvious (Beautiful people have more romantic options! Confident people are more attractive!) that it makes us wonder why they even bothered. So why do they? “We can’t assume the obvious, because sometimes what we believe to be fact is colored by our social experience and expectation,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. “A century ago, it was ‘fact’ that women couldn’t be expected to be intelligent enough to vote, and that women who were pregnant needed to avoid any heavy exercise. It is ‘obvious’ that chocolate is bad, or that wine is bad. Newer studies show there are health benefits. Until we test out what we ‘know’ is true, then we are just perpetuating stereotypes. Scientists need to re-do studies, because almost always, there are methodological problems in previous studies. One interesting study that showed women were more likely to describe themselves as ‘feelers’ rather than being mechanistically inclined showed [that] the difference disappeared if you didn’t ask the person to identify themselves by sex at the beginning of the study,” explains Haltzman. 

The fact is, so-called “obvious research” offers insights about dating and relationships that we need in order to make informed decisions about our own love lives. And people are fascinated by the results even if they could have predicted them as common-sense outcomes, says Haltzman: “People are drawn to reading about and hearing about these studies because humans are social animals, and on an unconscious level, we are constantly trying to make sense of social cues to improve our own standing among our peers. A guy may guess that when a woman strokes a beer bottle and gazes downward she’s interested in him, but it helps to have the scientific proof to back it up!”

Here are the most common dating clichés that actually bear some truth. 

Cliché #1: Hooking up on a first date probably won’t lead to love

Women hear it all the time: If you want a relationship, don’t sleep together too quickly. But is this advice simply old-fashioned — or is it legit? Most likely it’s the truth, according to a study conducted by the University College London, University of Warwick and the London School of Economics and Political Science, which found that a relationship does have a better chance of getting off the ground if a couple doesn’t become intimate on the first date. Using a mathematical model, researchers found that more “reliable” men are willing to wait longer before doing the deed. Why does holding out boost your odds of landing a relationship? Researchers say that the early stages of courtship allow women to gather information that helps them assess a man’s romantic potential to ensure that he’s worth sleeping with before doing so. 

Cliché #2: Beautiful women expect men to pay for their dinner on dates, and men are happy to offer

It pays to be pretty! Psychologists from St. Andrews University in Scotland found that men are more likely to pay on a date if find the woman to be quite attractive. According to the study, that’s because men believe if they invest their resources and prove they have the potential to be good providers, it increases their chances of securing a second date. Not that the ladies mind, either — the researchers found that women who consider themselves to be physically attractive expected their dates to shell out for dates. 

Cliché #3: Men enjoy casual flings more than women do

Samantha Jones might have had her share of one-night stands and meaningless encounters, but the average woman just isn’t into that... at least, not according to findings published in the journal, Human Nature. Why? Evolutionarily speaking, women bear the brunt of child-rearing, so it’s important for them to enter relationships with men who could be potential husbands — making them less likely to hook up with just anyone. When the study’s researchers at Durham University in the UK asked almost 2,000 men and women to talk about their feelings after partaking in a one-night stand, 80 percent of the male participants had positive feelings about their night of passion, saying they secretly wanted their friends to find out about their escapades. Only slightly more than half of the women surveyed echoed those positive feelings (54 percent). In fact, the female participants were more likely to say that they had “let themselves down” and were worried about damaging their reputation, saying they found the experience less sexually satisfying than the men did. Another study conducted by researchers at James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA found that when given a choice, guys opt for hooking up instead of dating and women prefer dating over a casual fling. Who knew? 

Cliché #4: Men get uncomfortable when women cry in front of them

Ask any guy how he feels about crying, and he’ll probably say that there’s nothing worse than seeing a woman reduced to tears in his presence. But men aren’t exactly being insensitive jerks; rather, their discomfort with tears has biological roots. A paper published in the journal Science found that female tears actually contain odorless chemicals that physically turn men off. When researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel had 24 men aged 23-40 sniff jars containing either female tears or several drops of a salt solution, then had them rate women’s faces for sexual attractiveness, 71 percent of the subjects who sniffed the female tears found the women to be less attractive. What’s more, men who took a whiff of the jar containing human tears showed reduced levels of arousal, a slower breathing rate, and lower levels of the male hormone, testosterone (which could explain why shedding a few tears around a man will make him agree to anything, as long as you stop). 

Cliché #5: Bad boys are especially sexy

Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, and Chris Brown: three men most of us might think are indisputably hot, but as luck would have it, scientists still wanted to prove the allure of these bad boys. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that guys who look moody or sullen are more attractive than men who smile, according to a study published in The American Psychological Association journal, Emotion. The reason: A man with a don’t-come-near-me face conveys that he’s strong and valuable — two traits that women traditionally look for in a man. 

Cliché #6: Men prefer younger women; women prefer rich men

Donald Trump and Melania Knauss, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh, Hugh Hefner and… well, anyone may look ridiculous walking down the street together, but these unlikely pairings can be explained with science.Research published in the journal Biology Letters found that men prefer younger women because they’re very fertile, upping their odds of producing lots of healthy offspring. Psychologists at the University of Turkey in Finlandfound that men who marry women 14.6 years younger than themselves have the highest number of healthy babies. Likewise, women prefer older, wealthier men due to their status in society, plentiful resources, and ability to provide for their offspring. 

Models Fall Through Fashion Week. Dangerous Job?

At Dennis Basso's show this week, a model took a major tumble

It's been a bad seven days for a handful of models at New York Fashion Week. At least six designer shows were overshadowed by slips, trips and spills on the catwalk. Naeem Khan, Richard Chai and Y-3 and all featured surprise mis-steps. But the biggest falls caught on film, were on Dennis Basso's runway and at Heart Truth's Red Dress Collection celebrity show, where both Christie Brinkley and Rose McGowan lost their footing.

The rule of the thumb is to pick yourself up, laugh it off and cry later, but some models have started avoiding the risk altogether.

A few years back, three women turned down the chance to walk in GaGa's Armadillo platforms at an Alexander McQueen show. The likelihood of tumbling in those oddly shapped 10-inch heels wasn't worth the risk to model Abbey Ley Kershaw. "Hopefully [heel height] is going to come back down soon because health and safety regulations have got to come into play at some point," she said back in 2009.

But, in the past three years not much has changed. The ability to walk an invisible tightrope in draping fabric and foot stilts is still a requirement of the job. Inevitably slips happen, though some runway shows are perennial disaster areas.

"I can tell you I've seen models fall mostly at Herve Leger," says Fashionista's Executive Editor Leah Chernikoff. "The dresses are so tight and the floors are so slippery, it's model dominos." In 2009, the brains behind the band-aid dresses, came under scrutiny after four models fell down in one show; however none of the models reported serious injuries.

Conspiracy theorists wonder if some designers aim for a tumble. It's those candid moments captured on camera that grab attention from news outlets and get replayed in the greatest hits version of each season's fashion week.

On the flip-side, it doesn't speak well for a look, when a trained professional can't wear it for twenty seconds with out falling.

Meet the 22-Year-Old Who Owns a $88 Million Crash Pad in NY

Ekaterina Rybolovleva, daughter of a Russian billionaire, made headlines with her new home in the Big Apple.

You may have heard that a Russian billionaire, Dmitry Rybolovleva, who made his fortune in fertilizer, bought his daughter a New York City apartment for $88 million. So who is this lucky duck? From what we can find out, the mysterious Ekaterina Rybolovleva is 22 years old, and doesn’t even live in the Big Apple.

The Russian heiress does, however, live in the U.S. where she studies at an “undisclosed U.S. university” --  the New York Post says Harvard -- but nothing’s confirmed.

The blonde beauty, now the proud owner of New York’s priciest crash pad, has stayed out of the spotlight. A serious equestrian (who could probably stash a horse or two in the 6,437 square foot penthouse with 10 rooms and a wrap-around terrace) she competes at  trials across Europe. Although the horsewoman was born in Russia, she has spent the last 15 years mainly in Switzerland and Monaco.
 

And, in the rare instance she does hole up in her tony 15 Central Park West address, she can always borrow a cup of sugar from one of her neighbors in the post building, like Sting, Denzel Washington and head of Goldman Sachs Lloyd Blankfein.

Do Rich People Live Longer?

Those looking for a magic elixir to keep them healthy and happy need look no further than their bank account. Wealth and, more broadly, socioeconomic status, play a powerful role in determining how long we live.

"It's clear that those who have less wealth will have fewer years to live than those with more wealth," says James Smith, senior economist at the research group RAND. The connection is so widely accepted that researchers have given it a name: "the wealth gradient in mortality." What's far more complicated to understand is why the connection exists, and whether wealth causes better health, or vice versa.

The longest-running longitudinal study of health, run by George Vaillant, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, found education to be one of the biggest determinants of longevity, along with behavioral factors--excessive drinkers were more likely to die young, for example. Out of the 500-plus Harvard students and inner-city Boston men the study has followed since 1937, the Harvard students lived an average of 10 years longer than the inner-city men, says Vaillant. In fact, 3 in 10 of the Harvard students lived to 90, compared to the 3 to 5 percent one would expect from that age group.

Among the inner-city men who attended college, health was just as good as that of Harvard students who attended college but not graduate school, says Vaillant. "[The Boston men] went to terrible colleges by Harvard standards, but they did get 16 years of education, and that absolutely evened the playing field," says Vaillant. People who go to college tend to drink less, smoke less, and are less likely to be obese, he adds, all factors that contribute to longevity. In fact, after controlling for education and other factors, Vaillant found that income alone had little effect on longevity.

People who pursue higher education, explains Vaillant, tend be more focused on the future, which probably also helps them make healthier choices. "In order to get an education, especially if you're poor, you have to think you have a future," he says.

Indeed, says Smith, one hypothesis is that "more-educated people are more forward-looking, and when they make decisions, they take into account the future more than uneducated people. A lot of things you might do don't have an immediate negative impact--excessive drinking, smoking, and doing drugs can [feel good in the short-term]--but the fact is it's going to kill you in the future." Another possibility is that people with higher levels of education are more likely to maintain their health, have better access to healthcare, and follow doctors' directions when it comes to taking pills or other instructions.

Smith's research also suggests that causality doesn't just run one way; health contributes to wealth, as well. "Because you are healthy and able to work, you are wealthier," he explains. At the same time, poor health often takes a toll on a person's wealth, either because it prevents one from working or because of expensive medical treatments. Taken together, researchers at the University of Chicago estimate that the gains in life expectancy between 1970 and 2000 resulted in an additional $3.2 trillion a year in national wealth.

Meanwhile, as income disparities continue to grow in this country, so do life expectancy disparities. According an analysis by from the Social Security Administration, life expectancy for 65-year-old men in the top half of the earnings distribution has increased by five years, to 21.5 more years. For those in the bottom half of the earnings distribution, life expectancy has increased just over one year, to 16.1 more years.

A likely factor, says Monique Morrissey, an economist at the Economic Policy Institute, is differing access to healthcare. "Not just people who are not insured, but if you have better insurance, you might get tested earlier, have better access to care, and be better able to follow complicated treatments--there have been a lot of improvements in cardiovascular care, especially for men," she says. While behavioral factors such as smoking and obesity likely explain much of the overall connection between wealth and health, they can't account for the growing disparity in life expectancy, since those behavioral factors are not growing disproportionately themselves.

Among younger Americans, health disparities are particularly pronounced, which could adversely affect U.S. life expectancy in the future. Eric Reither, associate professor of sociology at Utah State University, has found that among younger Americans, obesity-related diseases like heart disease and diabetes will likely increase.

As a result, Reither says he envisions two Americas in the coming decades. "One that is relatively poor and adversely affected by obesity and related conditions, and one that is relatively well-off and less affected by these diseases. Life expectancy trajectories for these groups will likely follow different paths, with the former stagnating and perhaps even experiencing some decline, and the latter continuing to inch upward."

As for that magic elixir, a group of British scientists now say they have identified a hormone more prevalent in the wealthy that they link to longevity. The hormone regulates one's stress response and is connected to diet, exercise, and relationships--all known longevity-inducing factors. One can imagine that hormone being packaged and marketed as some kind of magic youth serum, next to antioxidant pills and superfoods.

But for Vaillant, the answer is much simpler. "Those wonderful pills that are marketed to let you live forever--those things just don't seem to be terribly important," he says. Instead, it's making bigger behavioral choices, such as avoiding drinking too much and nurturing a stable marriage, that let people prolong their lives. And as for what makes people happy in old age, Vaillant says it has more to do with strong, loving relationships than anything for sale at a store. Says Vaillant, "I'm 77, and what I enjoy most are my grandchildren."

The Vow

Last Saturday after I've visited Logos Hope, we watched The Vow starred Rachel MacAdams and Channing Tatum. It is based from the real story of the characters portrayed by the 2 main characters in the movie. It is a story of the wife who lost her memory after a car accident and his husband tries to help her bring back her memory. Though a lot of things happened in their relationship, it didn't brought them separation because in the end, they still realize they still love each other. And at last, they got married and have 2 children. the wife (played by Rachel MacAdams) hasn't brought back her memory.

Valentine's Day Facts

Looking for Love

141 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine's Day the second-most popular greeting-card-giving occasion. (This total excludes packaged kids valentines for classroom exchanges.) (Source: Hallmark research)

Over 50 percent of all Valentine's Day cards are purchased in the six days prior to the observance, making Valentine's Day a procrastinator's delight. (Source: Hallmark research)

Research reveals that more than half of the U.S. population celebrates Valentine's Day by purchasing a greeting card. (Source: Hallmark research)

There are 119 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) who are in their 20s for every 100 single women of the same ages. Corresponding numbers for the following race and ethnic groups are:

• Hispanics: 153 men per 100 women
• Asians (single race): 132 men per 100 women (This ratio is not significantly different from that for Hispanics or non-Hispanic whites.)
• Non-Hispanic whites (single race): 120 men per 100 women
• Blacks (single race): 92 men per 100 women (The numbers of black men and women in this age group are not significantly different from one another.

There are 34 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) age 65 or older for every 100 single women of the same ages. Corresponding numbers for the following race and ethnic groups are:

• Hispanics: 38 men per 100 women
• Non-Hispanic whites (single race): 33 men per 100 women
• Blacks (single race): 33 men per 100 women
• Asians (single race): 28 men per 100 women

(Note: None of the ratios for the individual groups differ significantly from one another nor from the ratio for all people age 65 or older.)

904: The number of dating service establishments nationwide as of 2002. These establishments, which include Internet dating services, employed nearly 4,300 people and pulled in $489 million in revenues.

Be Mine

2.2 million marriages take place in the United States annually. That breaks down to more than 6,000 a day.

112,185 marriages were performed in Nevada during 2008. So many couples "tie the knot" in the Silver State that it ranked fourth nationally in marriages, even though it's total population that year among states was 35th.

The estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage for women and men are 25.9 and 27.6 respectively, in 2008. The age for women rose 4.2 years in the last three decades. The age for men at first marriage is up 3.6 years.

Men and women in northeastern states generally have a higher median age at first marriage than the national average. In Massachusetts, for example, women were a median of 27.4 years old and men 29.1 years of age at first marriage. States where people typically marry young include Utah, where women were a median of 21.9 years and men, 23.9 years.

57% and 60% of American women and men, respectively, are 15 or older and currently married (includes those who are separated).

70%: The percentage of men and women ages 30 to 34 in 2008 who had been married at some point in their lives - either currently or formerly.

4.9 million opposite-sex cohabitating couples maintained households in 2005. These couples comprised 4.3 percent of all households.

Candy is Dandy

1,241: The number of locations producing chocolate and cocoa products in 2004. These establishments employed 43,322 people. California led the nation in the number of such establishments with 136, followed by Pennsylvania with 122.

515 locations produced nonchocolate confectionary products in 2004. These establishments employed 22,234 people.

The total value of shipments in 2004 for firms producing chocolate and cocoa products was $13.9 billion. Nonchocolate confectionery product manufacturing, meanwhile, was a $5.7 billion industry.

3,467 Number of confectionery and nut stores in the United States in 2004. Often referred to as candy stores, they are among the best sources of sweets for Valentine's Day.

The per capita consumption of candy by Americans in 2005 was 25.7 pounds. Candy consumption has actually declined over the last few years; in 1997, each American gobbled or savored more than 27 pounds of candy a year.

Flowers

The combined wholesale value of domestically produced cut flowers in 2005 for all flower-producing operations with $100,000 or more in sales was $397 million. Among states, California was the leading producer, alone accounting for nearly three-quarters of this amount ($289 million).

The combined wholesale value of domestically produced cut roses in 2005 for all operations with $100,000 or more in sales was $39 million. Among all types of cut flowers, roses were third in receipts ($39 million)to lilies ($76.9 million) and tulips ($39.1 million).

There were 21,667 florists nationwide in 2004. These businesses employed 109,915 people.

Jewelry

There were 28,772 jewelry stores in the United States in 2004. Jewelry stores offer engagement, wedding and other rings to lovers of all ages. In February 2006, these stores sold $2.6 billion worth of merchandise. (This figure has not been adjusted for seasonal variation, holiday or trading day differences or price changes). The merchandise at these locations could well have been produced at one of the nation's 1,864 jewelry manufacturing establishments. The manufacture of jewelry was an $9 billion industry in 2004.

Data courtesy of the U.S. Census Bureau 

Valentine's Day..Akward Day

The history of Valentine's Day--and the story of its patron saint--is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite?

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and--most importantly--romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

Origins of Valentine's Day: A Pagan Festival in February

While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial--which probably occurred around A.D. 270--others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to "Christianize" the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat's hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.

Valentine's Day: A Day of Romance

Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”--at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.

Typical Valentine's Day Greetings

In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings.

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap." Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.